


in the middle of the sunflower field, we competed for first place

by amorias



Category: Ookiku Furikabutte | Big Windup!
Genre: Alternate Universe, Childhood Friends, M/M, childhood AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-19
Updated: 2013-10-19
Packaged: 2017-12-29 20:24:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,702
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1009689
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amorias/pseuds/amorias
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Azusa, we'll always play baseball together, right?"</p><p>Hanai shifts his gaze up and lets his eyes flit around the sky for a moment, a blush coloring his cheeks and a smile that can't be suppressed tugging at his lips.</p><p>"Always, Yuu."</p><p>[childhood friend AU]</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. kindergarten

**Author's Note:**

  * For [choir](https://archiveofourown.org/users/choir/gifts).



 It's the first day of kindergarten, and the twins cling tightly onto Hanai's arms, fidgeting on their feet and looking up at him with teary eyes, rendering him helpless and red in the cheeks.

"Big brother," Asuka whines, "don't go."

"Now, now, Asuka," Hanai's mother says in a light, airy voice. "Azusa needs to go to school. He'll be home soon enough." She gently pulls at the twins' hands and then bends down, patting the kindergartener on the head and smiling. "Say bye bye, Azusa."

He looks up, lips pressed into a tight line -- his expression looks too mature for a six year old, his mother thinks, as he tosses his arms around the necks of his sisters before blushing and running off, saying a hasty good bye.

Hanai has nothing to be afraid of, and he sits down on the floor, hunching up his shoulders around his face and intertwining his fingers together in his lap, listening quietly to the ruckus around him as more kids and parents entered the room. He chances a look around, at the board, where a greeting is written in both Japanese and a language he doesn't quite recognize, and at the teacher.

He has nothing to be afraid of, but he's still a little scared.

He quickly turns his head down and starts nervously tugging at his shirt until someone's shoes come in to view and stop right in front of him.

His eyes travel up to see another boy, mouth in a smile and freckles scattered across his nose, holding a rubber ball in his hands.

"Hi!"

"H...hi..." Hanai mumbles back, mouth back in the tight line.

"I'm Tajima Yuuchirou!" The other boy says, smile forming into a full-on grin, and he sits down in front of Hanai, setting the ball in the middle of his crossed legs. "What's your name?"

"Hanai Azusa."

"Azusa?" Tajima's eyes widen a bit. Hanai knows what's coming ("Isn't that a girl's name?" "How cute!"), and he looks at the floor, a preemptive blush crawling up his cheeks. "That's a cool name!"

Hanai jerks his head up, and the other boy is smiling at him and his eyes look open and big and honest -- he can feel his heart clench.

"Wanna play?"

 


	2. elementary school

 When they're in their first year of elementary school, Tajima drags Hanai out to the fields behind his house.

He takes him by the hand and pulls him along, past the rows of vegetables, and Hanai can't help but look at the fence that is a few feet off from their property; it's chain link and surrounding a baseball diamond. "What's that place?" He asks, staring back at it as the freckled boy continues dragging him along.

"Um, it's a school, I think." Tajima looks back for only a moment before turning his gaze back to his targeted area and finally stopping, making Hanai have to scramble so he doesn't run into his back. "Okay, we're here!"

They're at a field of sunflowers, their tall green stems towering high above both of them and the flowers just beginning to bloom, the leaves dotting the stalks practically as big as Hanai's head. He has to admit, it is impressive, but he still doesn't understand what the fuss is about. "This is it?" He asks tentatively.

"Well, the place we're going is inside. But we're almost there!"

Tajima grabs his hand again, smiling over his shoulder at him and giving his fingers a slight squeeze. Hanai can feel all the air escape from his lungs as he's pulled again, forced between thick sunflower stems and pushing past leaves until they reach a spot that's cleared out, surrounded on all sides by the flowers but mysteriously absent of any stems itself.

"Cool, huh? It's like my clubhouse... I don't show this to just anyone!" Tajima beams, wiping his nose with his thumb. "Only t'like... my best friends!"

Hanai swallows, and he clasps his hands behind his back, nudging the toe of his shoe into the loamy soil, pressing his lips together to bite back a smile. He looks up, taking a moment to look at the high stalks of sunflowers around them, the bright yellow petals becoming one with the sun. "So then... are we best friends, Yuu-chan?"

The freckled boy looks up at him, nose crinkling up and brown eyes catching the sunlight so they sparkle enough to look artificial.

"'Course we are, Azusa-chan."

 

They're in their third year of elementary school, but despite the fact that they were placed in different classes, they still find each other at lunch and go to each other's houses after school almost every day.

"Did'ya bring your glove, Azusa?"

Hanai nods, pulling it from his backpack and tucking it under his arm. Tajima smiles and waves for him to follow him.

They're at Tajima's house today, and the freckled boy decided on his own that they should try to play on the run-down baseball diamond belonging to the high school next to his house. They walk close to the fence, hiding behind the bushes as they check if the coast is clear.

"Are you sure we can do this?" Hanai asks hesitantly.

They both shrink back as a girl -- one of the students, Hanai supposes -- walks of the dugout and away from the diamond, long hair draped over her shoulder and rustling slightly in the wind.

"Of course! No one's using it, see?" Tajima points after the girl, and then dashes forward without warning, bat slung over his shoulder and a softball gripped tightly in his hand. He slips through the gate and Hanai quickly follows, looking around nervously before he's stopped short by looking at the diamond.

He hadn't realized how far the bases were apart, or how far the mound was from home plate. He stares in awe -- is he ever gonna get big enough to play on here? He doesn't think neither he nor Tajima can throw to home from the mound, let alone from third to first, or from deep in the outfield to second. He swallows, letting out a soft "woah."

"It's big, huh?" Tajima says, as if he read his thoughts. Hanai nods shyly, shifting his weight back and forth and fidgeting. "I wonder if we'll ever play on a field this big..." The freckled boy smiles, and Hanai's eyes trace his profile, looking at the way the sunlight radiates off his face. Tajima looks over suddenly, making the other boy jump. "Azusa, we'll always play baseball together, right?"

Hanai shifts his gaze up and lets his eyes flit around the sky for a moment, a blush coloring his cheeks and a smile that can't be suppressed tugging at his lips.

"Always, Yuu."

 

They're 10 years old, and they're crawling through the field of swaying sunflowers to get to their clubhouse. The freckled boy sits down and brushes off his hands, examining the creases of his palms with great interest.

"Azusa, have you ever kissed someone?"

Hanai shakes his head, settling himself into the dirt and curling up his knees towards his chest. "No, have you?" He asks, resting his chin on the tops of his knees.

Tajima stretches his arms into the air and then leans back on his palms, laughing a little bit. "Nah. Girls are kinda gross."

Hanai nods.

 


	3. middle school

 "Say, Azusa-chan," Tajima says as he flicks a spoon from his mouth, his voice too loud and so sugary sweet that Hanai knows something bad is coming. "Have you started jerking off yet?"

"Y-Yuuchirou!" He hisses, clamping a hand down over the freckled boy's mouth and looking around frantically to see if anyone is looking, face coloring red enough for both of them. "There are girls around! And don't say '-chan' so cutely when saying something so dirty!" He sighs and leans back in his seat, crossing his arms over his chest. "Honestly, you're too loud, Yuu."

"Sorry, sorry, Azusa," he says with an offhanded wave of his hand and a slight laugh.

It's the middle of summer and they're in their first year of middle school. Hanai is already 13 and he's shooting up like a weed, much to Tajima's jealousy ("You're already a teenager and you're like, 6 feet tall! That's so cool!!"). And though he may not actually be 6 feet tall (he's really only about 5'6" at this point), he is the tallest kid in their class and he feels uncomfortable being so noticeable from his height. Sometimes he wishes that he and Tajima would switch bodies or something, because he would do much better in a little, 4'8" body than what he's in now.

He taps his feet uncomfortably under his desk, watching the freckled boy as he snatches a piece of chicken from Hanai's lunch. He shakes his head and rolls his eyes to the side, though the corners of his lips are still upturned in a slight smile.

"I swiped some mags from my older brother. Want me to get you some, Azusa?"

"You're such a pervert," Hanai mutters before shoveling some rice into his mouth and chewing thoughtfully. He lowers his bento box before continuing to talk. "Oh, by the way -- are you going to join the baseball team?" He pauses and chews on his lip for a moment before he starts talking again, his voice a bit sheepish. "You could probably be a starter even though you're a first year, you know."

Tajima stops eating and gives him a look. "Azusa, didn't I tell you?"

"Tell... tell me what?"

"I was recruited by the Arakawa Sea Breams."

Hanai stops mid-bite, letting out a breath through his mouth instead, slowly lowering his chopsticks. He feels like his head is going to explode, or maybe it's his heart, and his mouth is dry and it feels like anything he tries to say will be caught in his throat. He realizes his mouth is hanging open and he closes it, his eyebrows creasing together and lips pressing together.

"Oh," is all that he says, fingers tightening around his chopsticks. "I see."

"I thought I told you."

"N--" Hanai's voice catches on the first syllable. He clears his throat. "No, you didn't."

"Wah, I totally meant to! I'm sorry, Azusa!"

"Does this mean we can't play baseball together anymore?"

Tajima pulls back, surprised. "What! No way--" He starts, before the realization reaches him. No, they probably can't. They won't have the time or the energy to play after their respective practices, what with homework and all that (not like Tajima does his homework, but Hanai is very serious about that kind of thing). He can feel a knot in his throat forming, because they're probably not going to go to the same high school either, let alone the same college, and then who knows what'll happen after that?

They'll never be able to play baseball together again.

 

They're 14 and the end of their second year of middle school is in only 2 weeks.

"Go _away,_ you guys are so annoying," Hanai huffs at his sisters, crossing his arms.

"Azusa, be nice to your sisters," his mother chides from the other room. The middle schooler clicks his tongue and rolls his eyes, stomping up the stairs like nothing else matters but himself. Tajima stares up after him, watching as his hands clench themselves into fists and he practically throws open the door to his room. He looks back to Haruka and Asuka, their eyes downcast, the game they want to play hanging loosely in Asuka's fingertips. He swallows, and puts a hand to Haruka's shoulder, giving them a smile.

"Don't worry. Azusa-chan is just tired from practice."

He's lying through his teeth, for him.

"Seems like he's always tired, these days," he can hear Hanai's mother saying as she rounds the corner, wiping her hands off on a dish towel.

The freckled boy just nods and gives an apologetic smile before scampering up the stairs two at a time after the right fielder, going into his room and closing the door. He can practically feel the irritation crackling around Hanai as he sits at his desk, and he breathes out in something that could be called both a sigh and a laugh.

"Y'know, they just wanted to play--"

"Not my problem."

Tajima is stopped short, and his smile falters.

"You don't have to be so mean to them, you know."

Hanai's chair skids back as he stands, pointing an accusatory finger at the third baseman's chest, making him bump back into the door and a bothersome anger rise up into his chest.

"You don't get to tell me how to be, Yuuchirou."

"What is your _problem,_ Azusa?" Tajima can't help but let his voice rise, his voice cracking in anger. He stares up at Hanai, swallowing. The freckled boy was never angry, he just didn't get angry because everything rolled off his back and everything could be worked out and he knew that. Maybe he was too happy go lucky for his own good, because now he had no idea what the hell to do with all the anger boiling in his stomach. "Why are you acting like such a jerk!"

"I'm not!" Hanai snaps back, shoving his hands into his school uniform's pant pockets and clenching them into fists.

"Yes, you are!" Tajima can barely see straight at this rate and he practically wants to punch the taller boy in the gut or slap him across the face. "You're a jerk to me, and to your mom, and even to Haruka and Asuka who have done _nothing_ to you, ever! You're gonna be the captain next year and you're the clean up of your team, isn't that what you've wanted?"

The right fielder finally cracks, and he's yelling, and his breaths are coming out hot and fast through his nose and his face is burning. "I'm not being a jerk! You are, because you know you're better than me!" He stares at the freckled boy, his eyes so wild that it's a surprise that Tajima doesn't flinch back from his gaze alone. "Because _you_ are on the fucking Arakawa Sea Breams, and _you_ are just _so_ much better than me!"

"Wha--" The third baseman's whole face scrunches up in confusion and he throws his hands into the air. "What the heck are you talking about! I've never thought that!"

"Could've fooled me." Hanai crosses his arms over his chest, turning his head away indignantly.

Tajima stares at him, and for once he's at a loss for what to say.

He blinks and shakes his head. "Fine, Azusa. Whatever you want to think, go ahead and think." He turns and opens the door, gripping the doorknob maybe a little too tight in his hand. "But I have never thought that you were less than me. Not once." His voice is tired and his throat feels raw and his entire body aches, and it's really all he can do to hop down the stairs and try to sound pleasant as he pats the twins on the head before dashing out the door.

Being angry is exhausting.

 

They're third years, and Tajima is frantic.

They haven't talked very much other than in passing, even though they were placed in the same class again for their third year of middle school. From Hanai's seat, he always had a clear view of Tajima's back sloping forward as he hunches over his seat, probably asleep. At lunch, Tajima would always be surrounded by people with no opportunity or desire to pull away to talk to Hanai, who sat by the window near the back, by himself on most days because too many people saw him as the big bad baseball captain, and the fact that he was the tallest guy in the class and had a disinterested look in his eyes didn't help him either.

But despite all the people he had surrounding him at the breaks during class, as he shifted through his contacts on his phone, he immediately when to the number labeled "Azusa-chan," even after all this time.

He's babbling nonsensically to Hanai on the phone, but he manages to make out the words "great-grandfather," "hospital," and "alone."

Hanai had just gotten home and he ignores his mom as she asks where he's going when he walks right back out the door, staying on the phone with Tajima all the way to his house and riding his bike as fast as he can in the rapidly fading dusk light with his phone precariously balanced between his ear and his shoulder. He lets his bike drop on the grass and he pounds on the door.

"Yuuichirou?" He calls, just as the door is slid open and Tajima appears in front of him and collapses into his arms, burying his face into Hanai's dirty baseball practice jersey. They stand like that for a long moment before the right fielder can force himself to bring his arms up and rest them around the other boy's shoulders. He can't help but feel a little uncomfortable, not only because this is the first time they've been in contact in too long, but also because he's grown to a height that is awkward for his age, while Tajima has barely grown at all. The top of his head doesn't even reach Hanai's shoulders.

He presses his lips together and lets out a soft breath, bringing up a hand to pet the back of Tajima's head. He's never done well with tears or emotional stuff like that, so it's the best he can do to let his harsh voice become soft and suggest that they go inside.

They sit side-by-side at the kitchen table, the cat rubbing at their legs and the dog sleeping at their feet, Tajima staring into his tea. The house is dark other than this one room, and Hanai's gaze keeps being drawn to the other boy's hands, and how they're trembling against the wooden table just the slightest amount, and how he's sure that they would be ice cold if he felt them.

"Why did you call me?" He asks before he can stop himself, his voice quiet, as if not to break the delicate air in the room.

"Who else would I have called, dummy?"

Anyone else, Hanai thinks but doesn't say. Instead he just stares at the handle of his tea cup and lets out a soft sigh. It's not like he doesn't want to be here, but at the same time, he doesn't know what to say -- Tajima should know that he doesn't do well with this kind of thing.

Of course, maybe just him being there is enough. Just him dropping everything and showing up at his door is enough to maybe quell his anxiety for the night, even if it's awkward and scary. He looks at the clock -- it's already past 10. His mom is going to kill him.

"Let's go to my room," Tajima says suddenly, standing up. Hanai just nods and follows him. Once they get to his room, the third baseman kicks a few things to the side and places some books over a stack of magazines (something tells Hanai he doesn't want to know what those magazines contain) on his desk, and then he sits on the floor, curling his knees up to his chest, eyes half-lidded and distant.

The captain sits next to him and is thinking about wrapping an arm around his shoulders when the smaller boy lets himself fall to the side and onto Hanai, his head resting on his chest. Hanai freezes, unsure of what to do, so he tries to make the muscles in his back relax as he brings up an arm to slide around Tajima, pulling him in.

It's totally silent other than the sound of Tajima's slightly shaky breathing, and the taller boy swallows, trying to wash away the tightness in his throat and chest. He lets his thumb rub softly back and forth into the third baseman's arm and leans back against the bed, closing his eyes and trying to regulate his breathing. He tries to think of what to say. Maybe "it's okay, Yuu?" Or what about "everything will be fine?" But those all sound too cliche, but really, he never has been good at this kind of thing and one thing does pop into his mind but he shoves it down into the darkest part of his brain--

He can hear the door opening, and the dog barking, and then a flood of voices coming into the downstairs hall, and Tajima jerks up suddenly and bolts down the stairs, leaving Hanai with his arm hanging in the air and a stupid look on his face and too many stupid words hanging on his lips. He scrambles to get up and carefully, quietly, stopping about halfway down to watch.

"Where were you guys!" Tajima's voice doesn't sound upset, but he has tears in his eyes and his hands are shaking.

"We went to dinner, after..." his oldest sister said, taking a step towards him. "We didn't realize you weren't with us."

"What about--"

"He's fine. Don't worry, Yuu," his mother says, looking and sounding pleasant and proper, as always.

"You guys just..." His voice starts to crack a little bit, here, "forgot about me?"

The air in the room weighs down on Hanai, and he grips the banister just a little bit tighter, trying to ground himself. He feels like he's intruding on a delicate situation, and he can help but feel like he wants to run out the door right this second, but even if he could do that without causing a huge disturbance, he feels cemented to the spot he stands in and like his legs are made of bags of wet sand, and the thickness of the air is only pushing him down more.

No one says anything, which is really confirmation enough to Tajima's accusation. He backs up a few steps up the stairs, hands shaking and eyes stinging before he turns and runs up the stairs, breezing past Hanai.

"Yu... Yuuichirou-- wait!"

He runs after him, heavy footsteps pounding against the wooden floor, and he finds him curled up on his bed, body and top of his head covered by his blanket and face buried into a pillow. He breathes out slowly, trying to collect his thoughts, and he sits on the edge of the bed, placing a hand on Tajima's back. He can feel him trembling, even through the blanket.

The freckled boy turns his head to the side, looking over his shoulder at Hanai. For a moment, the only sounds in the room are of Tajima sniffling against his pillow. He swallows, and then lets out what sounds like a bitter laugh.

"Having a big family sucks."


	4. high school

 "Azusa, what are you doing here?"

It's their first day of high school and Hanai is just as surprised as Tajima that he ended up at the baseball diamond.

"I thought you weren't gonna join the team!"

That is what he had said, in those last few weeks before middle school ended. He said that he probably wouldn't be joining, brushing it off like it was no big deal before trying to get down to the real issue here: why the hell was _Tajima_ going to such a place, with a new baseball team and a diamond that looked like it hadn't been properly cared for in months. He could go anywhere in the country and he was probably getting offers, too, but he was going to this no-name public school with nothing to its name.

Tajima had shuffled his feet under the desk, smiling vacantly out the window. "It's like..." he had started, his voice soft and subdued, "it's next to my house, you know. So if something happens, I'll know."

Hanai drops his gaze to the ground. "Don't... don't call me that," he mumbles, kicking lightly at the dirt and dodging the question.

"Wha-- ?! I've always called you Azusa, though!"

"I know but... it's embarrassing."

Tajima crosses his arms over his chest, indignant. "So am I supposed t'just call you Hanai now? That's lame! You've always been Azusa!"

Hanai can feel his skin crawl and he starts to scowl. Azusa is just too girly of a name, and he doesn't want anyone else getting any weird ideas about them anyway. He sighs and rubs the back of his neck. "You can call me that when it's just us but... not around other people." He looks off to the side before he can see the look on Tajima's face, because he knows exactly what his slight pout and his creased brows will be saying: what happened to you, Azusa?

 

Hanai does end up joining the team due to some persuasion from both the coach and Tajima, and he didn't really regret his decision at all -- the team voted him captain, the coach was actually pretty damn good, and they were winning. Their win streak went beyond simple beginner's luck, now, and people were starting to take notice.

And hell, maybe it felt better than he wanted to admit to be playing baseball with Tajima again. He even relented and let him call him Azusa in public. And maybe it brought back bad thoughts of how he wasn't as good as Tajima and never will be as good with him and that raised a bitterness in the back of his throat, but he was able to swallow it down, now, because he knew better, and he knew that he had to compete against him and that it would make him better.

So being on the baseball team isn't so bad, with how they'll all getting along in class and during practice, and especially with how everything seems to be bathed in a beautiful, shining light from their winning streak.

It's the fifth round of the summer tournament when they lose.

 

It's the last day of their first year of high school.

Hanai stands in the dugout, hand wrapped around one of the support poles, his hat just barely blocking the afternoon sun from shining in his eyes. It's warm and bright and it smells like spring, and Hanai takes in a long breath of the smell of dirt and grass and lets it out in a sigh.

He's not thinking about anything in particular as his eyes lazily scan the same baseball diamond he's seen a thousand times before, other than what he's going to say now that their first year is over, and how he's going to prevent himself from sounding like a total loser as he tries to sum up his feelings about this season and this year and his hopes for the next two years. Tajima was always better at this kind of thing, he thinks, saying the right thing and getting his point across because he was just so good with people -- Hanai shakes his head. He shouldn't be thinking about Tajima right now.

He feels someone bump up against him and he hears a small "hey."

He doesn't have to look to know who it is.

"Hey, Yuu," he says back, his voice quiet and delicate, as if not to break the fragile air of silence that's fallen over the diamond before the rest of the team shows up. He clears his throat to relieve the tightness forming in it.

The third baseman lifts up his arms and crosses them behind his head. "Last day, huh?"

"Yeah."

Hanai lets a breath seep out of his nose, trying to get rid of the tension in his chest, of the weight that seems to rest on his sternum.

The top of Tajima's head is up to his temples, now.

"But I guess it's not really the last day, is it? It might be for the year, but we'll still be playing baseball together, right?" He stretches his arms up and tilts up his chin, letting the sun hit his face, smiling a little bit. "We'll all be playing together for another two years, and so it's not the end, not really."

Hanai nods, his fingers tightening around the pole as he fights the smile that's threatening to form on his lips.

 

It's only a few months into their second year of high school.

It's a Saturday and they had practice in the morning, but it was over by noon. Tajima leans his back against the locker next to Hanai's as he changes after the practice.

"I wanna talk to you about something," he says, crossing his arms behind his head and smiling. The captain looks up momentarily before slipping on his shirt.

"Sure. Can it wait a minute, though?" He brushes out the creases in his shirt. "I need to talk to Momokan about some stuff."

Tajima pushes himself off of the locker and hops over the bench in one smooth movement and starts walking towards the door. He puts one hand in his pocket and raises the other one in a wave.

"Meet me in the clubhouse, Azusa-chan!"

As tall as Hanai is, the sunflowers still stretch over his head and would blot out the sun if he were to crouch down. The spaces between the stems don't seem to be as wide as they used to, and he finds himself staring at the dirt to find the gaps between the roots so he doesn't snap the stalks.

The space they called their clubhouse seemed so much larger when they were kids, like it had shrunk in those few years when they grew out of needing a meeting place buried in a field of sunflowers. It makes him feel uncomfortably nostalgic as he looks around the barren space in some kind of awe. He tucks his hands into his pockets.

"Why'd you ask me to come to this place, Yuuchirou?"

Tajima looks up at him, tilting his head in a way that's simply too cute, feigning cluelessness.

"It seems like we have meaningful conversations here."

Hanai scoffs.

"Yeah, because conversations about kissing and crushes are really meaningful."

"They are!" Tajima protests, laughing at himself and grinning in a way that makes his nose crinkle up. He suddenly looks so much more like a kid, when he smiles like that, Hanai thinks, also smiling a little.

"Okay, so what's the 'meaningful conversation' you want to have then, Yuu-chan?"

He says it softly, like when he was a kid. Yuu-chan, let's go play baseball. Yuu-chan, want to come over? This whole place smells like their childhood, and it's making Hanai want to act like he did back then, when everything was so innocent and uncomplicated.

"I like you, Azusa."

The right fielder blinks dumbly, his face coloring red instantly, listening to the weight of the words and the rustling of the leaves. The space they're in suddenly feels more cramped than it did before, and he realizes he could reach out only a few centimeters and take the clean up hitter by the hand, if he wanted to (which, if he was being honest, which he's not going to be, he does).

It's only a few moments of silence before Tajima steps forward and kisses him, and Hanai can't stop himself from kissing back.

 

They're third years, and they just won the Koshien tournament.

"Azusa, we did it!" Tajima says, eyes closed and mouth in a grin that's too infectious and too cute.

"Y...yeah, we did."

Hanai's voice is shaking, and he feels like he's about to wake up any second, and every breath that enters his lungs shuddering. The third baseman opens his mouth to speak and then his eyes soon afterwards -- his lips are left parted, anything he was going to say puffing out in a slow breath.

"Azusa... why are you crying?"

The captain presses together his trembling, smiling lips, and closes his eyes tightly, curling his hands into fists. A blush is crawling up his cheeks -- this is absolutely humiliating, but he's just so happy that they won, and at the same time it's the saddest event of his life, because he knows it's the last time they'll ever play together. Him and Tajima, and them and the rest of the team -- it's all up to the second and first years now, and they'll pick a new captain, and others will fill in the spots that they're leaving behind.

He bites down on his bottom lip, face covered in shadow from the brim of his hat but his cheeks so hot and red they feel like they could be producing their own light that's radiating off his face -- he feels two hands on either side of his face, calloused thumbs rubbing the tears from under his eyes. Hanai lets himself look up, just enough so he can look at Tajima, just enough so he can tell that his eyes are turning glassy too.

"Don't cry, Azusa," he says softly, giving him a small, gentle smile. He takes in a shallow, trembling breath. "If the captain cries, everyone will cry, you know?" He laughs here, a laugh that's airy and almost shy and self-deprecating. "'Cept maybe Takaya. He hasn't cried since we played Bijou when we were first years."

Hanai brings up his hands and clasps them around Tajima's wrists, pulling his hands away from his face so they're down between them, laughing a little bit too. He can look into the third baseman's eyes without leaning down significantly, now.

"Plus, captain, you've gotta talk to everyone."

He intertwines his fingers with Hanai's, smiling at the ground.

Hanai closes the small gap between them, kissing the other boy on the temple so briefly it would look like he was whispering something in Tajima's ear to any unknowing onlookers, before pulling back and nodding, wiping his eyes one more time.

"Honestly, Azusa... sometimes you're really just too cute."

"What was that, Yuu?" Hanai asks, giving Tajima a sideways glance, his voice dangerously low.

"Nothin'! Let's go already, they're all waiting for you, ya know!"

 


	5. college

 They're finally first years in college, and they're both having a little trouble adjusting.

Tajima managed to get into Waseda University on a baseball scholarship, because of course he did. He was studying cultural sciences, because he needed some classes to fill in his time between baseball practice and baseball games.

“I don't even know why I need to be majoring in something!” He had groaned into the phone late one night, when Hanai was up far too late finishing homework, drinking canned coffee to stay awake (though the caffeine never worked quite as well as Tajima's voice bouncing out of his ear). “I just wanna play baseball forever.”

Hanai went the old fashioned way, getting into University of Tokyo through the entrance exam by studying his ass off for it, effectively shutting everyone out of his life for a solid month beforehand so he could make sure he would get in. Even though it was also a Big6 school, he didn't particularly care to play baseball there, and maybe studying to be an English teacher was taking over his life a little bit.

Besides, he can live vicariously through Tajima, who he knows will never shut up about practices and his teammates and games – not like Hanai minds.

But the main issue was that they could no longer see each other every single day. Visits were planned extensively, because neither of them had the time to take the 30 minute train ride and then spend the whole day at the other university. So they had to fill in the blanks with phone calls and text messages, which Tajima sent frequently throughout the day, though more often than not they were just him saying “I'm horny” with varying emoticons that seem to get more distressed as the day goes on.

“What does... mm...” the freckled boy pauses here, and Hanai can almost see his brow furrowing as he stumbles in figuring out how to pronounce the English word in front of him, “'multifaceted' mean?”

“To have many facets,” he responds, pressing his phone between his ear and his shoulder and trying to work out a math problem. He's an education major for teaching English, why the hell should he have to do multivariable calculus?

“What the heck is a facet?”

Hanai laughs, lightly, and it probably doesn't sound like much through the scratchy receiver.

“Don't laugh!” Tajima huffs, and the taller boy just knows his boyfriend is puffing out his cheeks indignantly at him. “We don't all have English teacher kinks, you know!”

“H... hey! Don't use stuff I said in high school against me!”

“Fine fine, whatever you say, sensei.”

Tajima's tone is mocking and airy, and he's probably laughing and smiling a little bit too right now. There's a period of quiet, where Hanai can just hear the sound of his breath coming through the speaker and the sound of his pen scratching on the paper.

“Hey, Yuu,” he says, abruptly breaking the silence that had fallen over them.

“Mm?”

Hanai can hear Tajima turning over onto his back, his sheets rustling under him.

“You know I love you, right?”

There's a laughing coming from the other end of the phone, slightly warped but still distinct enough to make his whole body warm up just from the sound.

“'Course I know that, Azusa.”

 

Big6 games are more out of control than Hanai could've ever imagined.

It's their second year, and Tajima was finally starting in a game.

When Tajima told Hanai that he wasn't going to be a starter as a first year, he was strangely calm and collected -- Hanai had asked if he was upset, and he just looked out the window of his dorm and said no, and that it just meant he would have to work harder, now. That it was to be expected since he was going to the Big6 school with the second most championship wins, and that he was okay with it.

But now, he was starting -- at third base and 6th in the batting order.

He sounded so happy when he called to tell Hanai that he was playing and that he had to come see.

He watches in the stands and is entirely too close to the people next to him and the smell of alcohol stings at his nose and some beer is even spilled on him at some point by someone who is not apologetic enough, but he's reminded of how amazing Tajima was with every throw and every at-bat. He wonders how someone like Tajima was just a second-stringer, because he's the most graceful and skilled baseball player he's ever seen, like he just belongs on the baseball field.

He knows that not being a starter in those two tournaments just killed him.

But he played great and their team won, and when Tajima came out to find him after the game all sweaty and smeared with red dirt over every patch of visible skin, he had the biggest smile on his face, one that made his eyes shine and his nose crinkle up.

"You came!" He says, diving into Hanai's arms before he can even stand up.

"Of course I did." Hanai smiles, wrapping his arms around Tajima's waist. "I'd never miss it." As Tajima slips from his arms, he brings up his hands to the sides of the player's face and wipes away some dust from his cheeks.

"Hey, I've got to go have a team meeting and some stuff... meet me for dinner?"

Hanai nods, content to loiter around this part of the city while the smell of alcohol dissipates off his pants. He meets Tajima back at Waseda University and they go to their favorite place to eat when Hanai visits -- a little ramen shop off a side street only two blocks near the university that Tajima claims has the best ramen he's ever eaten in his entire life.

They sit at their usual table and order what they always do, Hanai examining his chopsticks with great interest while Tajima tells him the latest gossip about the baseball team's locker room antics.

"--and you know, of course they saw it and nudged me like as if it was some big deal." He leans back in his seat, crossing his arms over his chest and looking a little dejected. "Honestly, maybe you don't give me hickeys enough, Azusa."

Hanai raises his eyebrows slightly, a bemused look on his face. "We can barely see each other enough to give each other a lot of hickeys, what do you want from me?"

Tajima just laughs as the steaming bowls of ramen are placed in front of them. He taps a few pieces of pork resting on top of his noodles down into the broth. "You know Azusa, you could probably join the baseball team at University of Tokyo if you wanted to."

The taller boy chokes, coughing into his hand before gulping down some water. Tajima watches him, cheek resting in his hand, eyebrows raising slightly in an amused expression.

"No way," Hanai finally says.

"Why not!"

There's a pause, and Hanai stares down into his noodles.

"I'm too busy for baseball now."

"Don't you miss it, though?"

"Well... I mean, yeah!" The taller boy sighs and sets down his chopsticks, frowning. "Of course I do. But I have other things to worry about now."

Tajima blows out a breath and examines the light hanging down above them.

"Whatever you say, captain."

 

"Hey, Azusa... when am I gonna get to see you again?"

Hanai swallows, pressing his lips to the crown of Tajima's head and tightening his arms around his waist. He lets out a slow breath that ruffles the baseball player's hair.

"Not for awhile."

Finals are coming up, for both of them, and it's almost time to graduate -- up until then, there won't be time to take the trip across town for either of them. Tajima sighs and pulls away from Hanai's grasp, getting on his knees and looking at him, so much sincerity and maturity in his big eyes that the taller boy is taken aback, fingers curling up against his palm.

When did Tajima start looking so grown up?

"Azusa, let's move in together!"

Hanai's eyes widen for just a moment and his lips part in surprise, like he's about to say something, but Tajima keeps talking.

"I can't stand not seeing you all the time! It's not fair--" His voice is starting to shake and Hanai realizes Tajima's eyes are becoming glassy. "It's not fair, Azusa, how much I miss you!" He bows his head, hands clutching the blanket in front of his knees. "And I really love you, you know!"

Hanai's eyebrows twitch upwards and he presses his lips together, blinking at the freckled boy behind his glasses. The room is quiet other than the shifting of his body across the sheets as he leans forward and drapes his arms across Tajima, pulling him in tightly to his body and tucking his face into the crook of his neck.

"I know, Yuu."


	6. adult life, theoretically

 Tajima insisted on having a housewarming party.

They're real adults now, theoretically. Tajima was drafted to the Saitama Lions the moment he got his degree and Hanai had found a job working as an English teacher back at Nishiura, oddly enough (of course, he claimed it was the only job he could find in the area, but Tajima had the suspicion that he did it just because Mr. Shiga had recently left the school and the baseball team was without a faculty advisor, and he wasn't going to let the baseball team that he helped grow dissolve just like that).

But just because they're adults doesn't mean that Tajima isn't as childish as ever.

“Oh come on, Azusa! It'll be fun... we'll round up the original team again!”

Hanai never really could say no to Tajima, anyway.

So they invited the whole crew, mostly through word of mouth, because they still managed to have a relatively tight knit communication tree, and everyone called at least once to let them know that they were going to show up (Mizutani called three times, at which point Hanai was certain he was just doing it to piss him off).

Tajima pounces at the door as soon as the first person knocks, sliding along the slick wooden floors of the entrance hall in his socks, and it doesn't take long for everyone to have trickled in, shoes left in a heap at the front door and eleven guys crowding into their slightly-too-tiny living room.

“How's the new team?” Abe invariably asks, sipping a beer.

“They're good.” Hanai shifts, resting his hands behind him on the floor. “All the first years are pretty eager... kind of reminds me of us.” He laughs slightly.

“Yeah, but there's no way they're as good as us, right, Captain?” Izumi asks, a disinterested sound to his voice but a smug kind of spark in his eyes.

“Of course they're not!” Tajima interjects, firmly putting down his can of beer onto the table and shaking his head with great determination. “We were the best team of all time! And we had the best captain of all time, so how could we not be the best baseball team Nishiura has ever seen?”

“I think I intimidated the new captain on my first day as faculty advisor.”

“How the heck'd you manage that?” Mizutani cuts in. “Were you being mean again, Azusa?”

A quick “shut up, Fumiki!” is his only response, and everyone laughs, the sound bouncing off the walls that are too bare right now, the mostly empty room feeling so full with warmth and nostalgia and happiness that it seems like it'll make the whole place explode. The talking doesn't slow down until long after two in the morning, at which point there is a slight lull caused by the late hour and the consumption of maybe a little too much alcohol.

Mizutani, of course, ends up being the first one to break the quiet and ask the question that everyone's dying to know, but not necessarily willing to ask.

“So, when are you guys gonna get married?”

**Author's Note:**

> for my dear friend stella (ao3 user choir) because she wanted a tajihana childhood au!
> 
> spoilers for the end of season 2 in chapter 4
> 
> title from the song "freud" by the band galileo galilei (who sang the op for the 2nd season!!)


End file.
